Feelings Without Reasons
This year I’ve discovered something that I’m innately really into. It’s called reasons, and I always seem to need one.
My mind seems as though it's programmed to need a reason for everything.
I am doing this, because it will help me do this other thing.
I don’t like this because _______.
My brain is logical, systematic, and gets a serious high off reasons. But, this coin has two sides, and the other is ... feelings.
When speaking in terms of typology, those that have Feeling (Fe or Fi) as a non-dominant function will likely share this "reason addiction" in their lives because they have a dominant Thinking function. Thinking, especially extroverted thinking, means reasons on reasons on reasons.
As I am an INTJ with extroverted thinking as a dominant second function (Te).
If you have Thinking as a second function, you may or may not have Feeling as a non-dominant function. What does that even mean right?
Well your first function will always be dominant, and previously according to MBTI the second function was also dominant. However in the past few years the wonderful folks at Objective Personality have discovered that 50% of the time a personality type can jump dominant functions, making their 1st and 3rd functions dominant, and their 2nd and 4th functions non-dominant.
So what does it mean when you have a non-dominant function? Basically, you don’t respect it. At all.
For basically my whole life, I've found it hard to connect humans on a feeling type level. I've been known on more than one occasion to explain with reasons, why someone should or should not do something. How to, or how to not do something. Because of extroverted thinking, I have this deep rooted desire to help people if I think my knowledge may save them some hardship. I really want to help.
What I discovered is... people are moved by emotion over logic by an astounding 80%. So basically I'm approaching this human connection thing all wrong.
Because of this, I’m making it a priority to start respecting my feelings, without always having to apply reasons. For those of you who would like to take the journey with me… this is my plan:
1. Start freely stating feelings without explanation. Ex. What you said made me feel sad. VS What you said made me feel sad because… (long extensive ramble). Respect feelings as standalone entities, respect the weight they carry without a reason.
2. Give time for personal emotional processing. Stop blowing past feelings because more “important” things to do. Take a moment, give respect to what occurred, process, and move on.
4. Be patient when respecting the feelings of others, and recognize that they may need processing time with whatever they are experiencing.
4. Remain aware of the long term damage that can occur to the self and others when feelings have not been processed and cause emotional tidal waves.
So this is where I’m starting; and starting is a lot easier when you have a reason behind why you’re doing it. That being said… I have plenty of work to do!