5 Things INTJ's Wish You Understood
Let's get right into it shall we? INTJ's have two dominant functions Ni, introverted intuition (basically the need to organize abstract thoughts) and Te, extroverted thinking (the desire to help people understand).
1. We may seem robotic...but our hearts are genuine.
Humans can seem foreign to us, and though we often desire to relate to our tribe through traditional means, we often fall into rationalizing human behavior through our Te. Sometimes this means our our style of communication can come across as ....robotic, but know that we mean well. Our rationality is usually dedicated to help the tribe solve a problem. It's how we say "I love you" ... in our strange little INTJ way.
How it plays out IRL
*Person crying after a long stressful day at work*
Types with Fe as a dominant function: "Wow, can I give you a hug?"
Fe gives hug.
Internally thinks *Wow, this person looks like they've been crying for a long time, what can I do to help them? Um... ahh... emotions.. Tears... dehydration... water!*
INTJ brings water and leaves it next to the person who is still getting hugs from the Fe.
Teamwork... that's all I'm going to say about that.
2. We can anticipate the big things, but sometimes the little things can kill us.
We have so many ideas. SO MANY. And they aren't just concepts, they are well organized concepts where all of the things to think about, have been considered.
Well... we've considered the most important things.
Well... we think we've considered the most important things.
However, add in some Sensory (Se or Si) chaos, and it may lead to a very stressed (or exhausted) INTJ.
Want to show an INTJ that you love them? Pack them a lunch as they are running out the door to conquer the world. Remind them it's time for an oil change so their car doesn't burst into flames. Encourage them to SLOW THE HECK DOWN with their master plan, and take a second to smell the roses.
We may fight you at first, but then we end up being super grateful. Thank you for thinking about us. We are sure as heck thinking about you.
3. We feel obligated to figure out the process for all of the things.
To you, it may just be "thinking out loud". To us, it's a process that obviously hasn't been completely thought through and gives us almost immediate anxiety.
How it plays out IRL:
*Person* "Hey wouldn't it be cool if I (insert "really great" idea)"
INTJ: (The following will be elements of internal thought and verbal exclamation) Did you even THINK about the potential for x, y and z to happen?! You would probably be fine if you went down this road, and then did this thing over there. Yes that would probably work! But don't do it that way, was that what you were intending to do? Did you already think about that? I want to actually understand what you were thinking, if that's what you were doing. Or were you just talking? We need to talk about this further. I don't think you actually thought all of this through. I don't want you to end up with a mess.
*Person* "Oh... no I wasn't really that serious."
4. Don't rely on social cues to communicate with us.
People who have Sensory and Feeling functions usually do the best with things like social cues, body language, knowing how to do cool things like ...fist bump. You know?
Because INTJ's are generally more out of touch with the sensory world and the perception of "feelings", we are less good with stereotypical "cool kid" things.
If you want to do something with us, just ask. We will give you a straight answer. If you have a question about something, for the love of God ASK. We will be happy to explain the things we understand. Again, our Te loves to communicate.
5. We put a lot of responsibility on ourselves.
Our functions by nature are obligated to figure things out and communicate it to the tribe. Constantly "figuring out" things is natural, but because we tend to be good at it, people will often dump their ideas on us and expect us to make it work. Please, don't do that.
Ask your INTJ if they have time for your great idea or new thing before you expect them to take ownership over it. Take a quick assessment of their life. Should they be adding this to their plate right now just because they can? By nature, we will want to make the thing work for you, but use your judgment so you don't kill us in the process. We are tired, we need a nap, but we love you dearly.
My favorite quote for people when I'm feeling overwhelmed is: "You are empowered to take responsibility for your own idea."
I'm not totally sure how it comes across... but hey empowering someone can't be that bad right?