Stop Playing the Victim
One thing that I think will always baffle me is peoples ability to perpetually defer responsibility and play the victim. So if you feel like life is always happening to you, and you’re ready to steer your own ship, I have a few tips for you.
You aren’t the target.
A huge overarching theme I’ve seen from people who continuously play the victim is their perception of “being the target”. Often they will think that another person specifically went out of their way in some respect just to do something to THEM, to specifically make THEIR life miserable, take THEM down, whatever. Now while this may happen in a very very small set of circumstances. Chances are… it’s all in your head. This is something that is critical for everyone to remember. People don’t care about you that much. People are inherently selfish and for the most part just think about themselves and their own pleasure, comfort, and survival. People don’t have time to plot and plan to make your life miserable. So stop deferring fault to the outside world for something you need to be taking ownership over. Even if they are plotting against you, plot better for your own self and they simply won’t be able to keep up. AH, the glory of having a brain.
You have a choice.
I understand. People don’t like the feeling of being trapped, especially if at the end of the day that trap is a result of the world they’ve set up for themselves. This equates to the whole “woe is me” mentality. You aren’t helpless. You are the dominant species on the planet because of the mind you were given. Also … you have thumbs. Nobody feels bad for the fact that you’ve made bad decisions that you now have to live with.
Life doesn’t happen to you. It happens with you.
Have you ever heard someone say “why do all of these things always happen to me”? Well on todays lists of pills that are hard to swallow…You are the one unifying factor in everything that has ever “happened” to you. The amount of external circumstance that isn’t in some way affected by how you are living your life each day is very minimal. Remember Newton’s third law? Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. And this principle extends far beyond the physical world. Do you want a positive and uplifting life? To get that out, you need to put that in. Do you want to live a productive and efficient life? You need to invest into efficiency on the front end. Not sure where to start? Watch people who are doing it well and steal their tips.
Your challenge isn’t exclusively yours.
I remember struggling with this one when I was younger, especially in high school. I would often feel as though people couldn’t relate to the things I was going through (which often times they couldn’t) so I just assumed I was the only one living my realities. I was so wrong! Luckily for everyone out there today, the internet is more of a thing, and it’s easy to LITERALLY GOOGLE your struggle, and find someone who has been victorious over it.
People have gone through your same exact thing, have survived, and have thrived. Stop feeding your own negative cycle by telling yourself “there is no way to get out of this, nobody knows what it’s like, and I am all alone”. You are not alone, there are people on the internet for you. FIND THEM.
You are the only one responsible for how things turn out for you.
At the end of the day, this is what it all boils down to. You and only you are responsible for how your life turns out. It’s not the government, it’s not society, it’s not your evil neighbor Beth and her 27 cats. Sure these things factor in but…It. Is. You.
Now I totally get it, accepting full responsibility can be really hard and really overwhelming, but it is THE ONLY WAY to take control of your life and your destiny. If you continue to play the victim, all you are doing is letting other people control your life and its outcomes. You are giving away YOUR OWN FREEDOM and willfully binding yourself in slavery to the people and circumstances around you.
So where to start now?
Start telling yourself “I am responsible for this” even if it might not be solely your responsibility. Make it yours. You need to retrain your brains way to defaulting out and take full ownership going in.
Use every challenge where you could have played the victim as a lesson in triangulation of where you could have directed your ship differently. Accept that this is a process and you won’t be on top of the world overnight.
Be freaking grateful. Wow look at you and your “problems”. It must be nice to have the privilege to get so upset over not getting that promotion. Most of our problems aren’t actually that problematic at all in the grand scheme of things. Instead, start looking at the wonderful world around you and really open your eyes to all of the things you have the ability to be grateful for.