When It's Hard to Human
Do you ever feel as though you are completely disconnected from the social spectrum? I do… a lot of the time.
I’m “fine” (as in I won’t die), but it’s rare for me to be around people (ESPECIALLY lots of people) and feel comfortable. I know the right things to do and say, but I’m doing these things because I know they are correct, not because it’s what is natural to me.
INTJ’s are rational learners, who are hungry to soak up applicational information. For us, it’s not terribly hard to see social patterns and figure out how to play along if we need to (especially as we get older). However this leads to a state of social performance, which does not support a positive mental or emotional state for us long term.
I’m really good at what I like to call “turning on”. If I need to *ahem* get into character, I can USUALLY garner up my best energy, put on a smile, go out onto stage (aka be in public) and really put on a believable show, for a short period of time.
People are emotional creatures. Emotions can be chaotic, unpredictable, and hard to manage when they are coming from other people. That doesn’t make emotions bad, (think about all of the positive emotions). But to me they can still feel like chaotic energy and the more humans you put into one space the more chaotic it seems.
Layer on top of all of this social expectations.
Traditions, social norms, all of those things that I never think about. Suddenly being around people makes you realize how many of these things you um… haven’t studied up on in awhile...and are completely out of touch with.
Have you seen that movie? No, or the next 3 you’re about to mention.
No I haven’t heard about that thing going on in the news.
No I didn’t know that artist was playing here next weekend.
Do I sports? Like do I personally? Oh no… I don’t watch sports sorry. But I can eat snacks and play with a dog while you watch a sport and that is ok with me.
Oh you like my what? No I don’t know where I got it, I wore it because it wasn’t dirty.
How did I do that thing? I don’t know I just figured it out, you could figure it out too I’m sure. No… I’m not going to teach you but I’m sure you could find a youtube video on how to do it.
Have I spoken to them recently? No. That other person? No I haven’t talked to them in years, I’m sure they are fine.
You like that food I made? Cool thanks. Um… yeah I don’t even remember what I put in it. I just kind of know what will taste good. Yeah… i know thats weird. No, I haven’t written down any of my recipes.
You want me to join doing what? Oh no… sorry I’m not going to do that. It’s not that I can’t, I just really don’t want to. I know you think it’s going to be fun, but I’m really happy just here right now so please let me stay.
Have I been to that place? No I haven’t. I’m glad you think it’s great though.
What have I been up to? Ahhh a whole lot. Too much than I even have the energy to explain. Sorry, but it’s great and I will show you things when I can.
You wish you heard from me more? You should probably subscribe to my YT channel. That’s probably the most predictable way to hear anything out of me.
What I Have Realized
I’m the best with preferably one, or two people max that I feel comfortable with. That’s when social interactions are the most enjoyable for me and I feel as though I can truly connect with someone.
I really want to be a human and not always an alien, but it’s really hard to be a human around lots of other humans. Its like the other humans can smell you’re different and try to suck up your energy to dissipate your human flesh and expose your alien skin and thus you are forced to retreat.
Be kind to your introverts.
Sorry this post is weird, but I just wanted to be honest with where my head is at and the hard things I sometimes encounter.