INTJ Learning How to “Fun”
What is this “fun” that people talk about? And how do I do it correctly?
I have a question for you.
What kind of person are you when nobody else is around? What do you spend your time doing? Do you spend it doing fun things? What is fun to you?
What IS fun?
What I would like to talk about today is the tribes perspective towards fun and its correlation to my bottom two functions Fi (introverted feeling) and Se (extroverted sensing). If I were to reduce those two functions down to a singular sentence that would capture their essence, it would be…
Doing what I like in the moment.
...I do not do this.
Instead, I spend most of my time by default doing Ni/Te, which I would reduce down to…
The process of achieving my vision.
So because Ni & Te are my two savior functions, to me doing them feels “fun”.
But… they aren’t very fun by most people's standards.
If you were to observe me with a hidden camera and I were all by myself, do you know what you would see? Absolutely nothing worth reporting. Zero excitement. None.
If I am totally alone and my time is fully mine, I do the things that get me off, which are working on my staple projects and practicing the habits that bring me the greatest sense of balance and control.
That’s it. And it’s glorious.
So because of this, I usually find that the external world needs to force me to “fun” in a more traditional sense. Left to my own devices I am simply 100% not fun.
HOWEVER...you guys know how I am about self growth, and though I do Ni/Te really well, I also know I am responsible for my Fi/Se in addition to all the other functions.
“Lindsay, just do what you’re good at!” You might say.
To that, I would say you’re wrong. Life requires all 8 functions at some point. Why would you only want to be good at 2 and have to rely on other people to be sufficient enough at the others to support you and whatever you want to do? If you think that way, you must have a lot of faith in people to do a half ass decent job.
So back to my point, this is why I love “P” types, because they will force me into a state of growth by making me “fun” by their own perspective. It doesn’t matter what big plans I have, what project I’m in the middle of, what plan I’m devising. When an IxxP or Exxp gets ahold of you and brings you on the fun train… good luck getting off.
Now, I’m working on being better at forcing myself to be spontaneous and do things I selfishly like in the moment. But it’s a struggle, and it feels like hell. However one of the ways to get better at something is to learn from someone who does that thing better than you. I feel like the IxxPs and ExxP’s are good practice friends in this area, and is certainly one of the reasons we get along so well. The IxxJs and ExxJs offer that sense of control, the IxxPs and ExxPs offer that sense of spontaneity. We are good for each other.
The truth of the matter is, life is going to require us all to be spontaneous at times and follow our heart and desires. And saying that makes me immediately want to slam my head into a wall… but that doesn’t make it any less valid… unfortunately.
As an IxxJ one of your greatest life lessons will be “learning to let go of control”.
It’s my nature to want to control the outcome of everything, but the reality is, you can’t function well in society in that way.
On the forever quest to balance… see you next time.