Your Struggle Isn't Real
I get a lot of questions along the lines of…
“I flip between being an INTP and an INTJ” or “I test both as an ENFP and ENFJ depending on where I am in life”
Aside from the actual functions of these types being COMPLETELY DIFFERENT… there is an even bigger elephant in the room, and that is what you perceive as your biggest problems in life.
I hate to tell you this, but your functions are telling you lies... and you will believe them and freak out about them when many people are like… WTF? These freak outs/ spikes are the telltale signs of single observers (IxxJs and Exxps) and single deciders (ExxJs and IxxPs).
As an INTJ I’m pretty lucky when it comes to the tribe and the self (my Te and Fi) because these functions are in the middle of my stack and I can go back and forth between them easily and quickly. I don’t experience people problems… period. I easily see both sides of the story, and… I don’t care honestly. Sure, people can be difficult, but I can also be difficult because I can be a controlling ass sometimes. See that? The ease and ability to see both perspectives. Ease… is the word here people.
So let’s get into how IxxJs and our friends the ExxPs are very much the same.
Control and Chaos! We are single observers which means our “thing” functions and how we take in the world are on our poles (aka our 1st and 4th function). Having that big gap in the middle is weird, and it allows us to be great with ourselves and the tribe. However… we will royally lose it over the control and chaos of things.
Do you know how much drama I find myself in? Absolutely zero. People started calling me Switzerland at a very young age, and still do to this day. However that update on the app on my computer that I’ve been ignoring Apple is now saying I HAVE TO INSTALL... a minute before my meeting using said app. And there I will be… dying on the inside...having an actual a meltdown...maybe shedding one singular tear.
Single Observer Tidal Waves Break Down (Thing Problems):
IxxJ: There are all of these ideas and nobody has taken the time to organize any of them or figure out how they should actually work! Chaos… chaos everywhere! I must make all of the things come together. OMG why did my computer just go black? This is the LAST thing I need right now.
ExxP: I don’t know why these things keep happening to me! I missed my appointment for that meeting this morning for the second time. I feel like I like so many things interest me it’s hard to focus on any single one. I want to experience all of the things! But I feel like sometimes I never get any real progress.
Now lets talk about the single deciders! This is all IxxPs and ExxJs (and all of the people who experience tribe vs self contention and still think they are IxxJs)
Single deciders have their tribe and self functions on their poles. That huge gap makes tribe and self stuff … a little weird, and gives it more polarity. There is a sharpness or a spike when IxxPs and ExxJs address people/self issues.
Single Decider Tidal Waves Break Down (People Problems):
ExxJ: I give everything for you! I constantly break my back for you! What have you done for me? What about MY Identity and the things that are important to ME?
IxxP: It’s impossible to actually please people! Peoples happiness and understanding isn’t my responsibility! But wait… why will nobody accept me? I do want people to like me, I do want to do what works for them… sometimes.
So… are you a single observer or a single decider? Where do your tidal waves hit? The funniest part is as a single observer I look at the single deciders freaking out about the self at tribe like … WTF? And the single deciders to the same thing to me when they see me losing my mind trying to open a package of batteries.
The moral of the story is, know where you are going to spike in polarity as it relates to your functions and realize that though it may seem like “the worst thing ever” it’s literally… all in your head.